Social Etiquette
by musicalrayn
Summary: Galinda tutoring Elphaba! Yes folks, the impossible has happened...in my imagination anyways. Reviews make me joyified!
1. Flunking

Elphaba awoke with a start and a very, very rare smile on her face. She crawled out from underneath her shelter of warm blankets and onto the worn wood floors to scramble excitedly to the windows. Today was the day that they received their mid-term reports, and to Elphaba Thropp, this mattered more than Lurlinemas (which still isn't saying much...).

It was gusty outside, and showed signs of rain, but she didn't care; nothing could ruin this day. She got dressed quickly, wrapped a shawl around her shoulders, and threw on her hat. As she stumbled about pulling on her combat boots, she called out, "Galinda! Galinda wake up!"

From underneath a mountain of frilly pink blankets and lace abound, she heard a grumble/moan come from its depths. She bounded over to the bed semi-cautiously, and gently poked the largest lump in the bed, assuming it was her roommate. "Get up Galinda!"

From out of the lace appeared a small nose followed by a set of half-open sapphire eyes.

"Miss Elphaba...what in Oz's name do you think you're doing? And what time is it?" Galinda grumbled out in a morning croak.

"Does it matter!" Elphaba cried out.

_Sweet Oz, Elphaba is smiling...she must be ill..._

"Midterms are out today Galinda!" Elphie proclaimed, grasping Galinda's shoulders. It was then that Galinda realized what was happening. She grabbed the green chin hard to stare Elphie in the eyes. "Miss Thropp, I do not enjoy mornings, nor do I enjoy being in a conscious state whilst they are occurring. You would do well to remember this, for the next time you wake me at six A.M., a death will transpire. And let me assure you Miss Elphaba—that death will not be mine."

Elphaba backed slowly away from the furious ball of pink, careful not to make any sudden movements. She did not make eye contact for fear of being reduced to a pile of ash under the horrible death glare Galinda dealt her. "Goodnight Miss Galinda..." Elphie said quietly.

Satisfied, Galinda sunk back under her blankets mumbling something about the severely distorted priorities of green girls.

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Disgruntled roommate forgotten, the green girl frolicked into the Main Office to retrieve her midterm report. The woman at the desk was an aging Munchkin looking none to happy with her job.

"Elphaba Thropp." She announced to the Munchkin. The woman stared at her for a moment with a bland expression, and then turned to a wooden file cabinet made of Quoxwood to seek out the 'Thropp' girls file.

For Elphaba, this took an excruciatingly long amount of time, but the Munchkin finally resurfaced with a joyful looking manila folder. Elphie snatched it out of her hand and eagerly withdrew a seemingly holy sheet of paper.

Emerald eyes flickered down the page finding only perfect grades...until she reached the bottom.

Elphie froze—her heart stopped, and her hands turned ice cold. She fainted dead away.

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Galinda Upland strode determinedly down the corridors of Crage Hall—she had just received word that her roommate was in the sick ward. _I guess Elphie really was ill this morning..._

She came to the doors of the sick bay and attempted to push them open with no success. She then leaned her entire weight against the doors with still no avail. Stepping back, she was about to reach for her wand when she realized that the door said, 'PULL'. Galinda giggled a little at this, and then entered, quickly identifying her Elphie by the green skin. She saw a white paper clutched tightly in Elphie's hand. Galinda put a comforting hand on her shoulder, asking quietly, "Elphie? Elphie, what's the matter?"

Fierce green eyes turned to her, "My grades, Glin...look at my g-grades." She mumbled out through clenched teeth.

The blonde wrestled the paper out of Elphie's iron grip and scanned the page. Her eyes widened as she reached the bottom. "Oh Miss Elphaba...You're flunking Social Etiquette..."

Elphie bit her lower lip and squeezed her eyes shut in shame. "I know..."

"Why you're doing splendiloquently in your other classes, but this one..." she said, indicating the 'F' at the edge of the page, "Oh Miss Elphaba, do you realize what this means?"

Elphie turned to her friend questioningly.

"I'm going to have to tutor you in Social Etiquette." Galinda said quietly, looking in Elphie's terror-stricken face.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Elphaba's cries for the agony to come could be heard from Center Munch to the Thousand Year Grasslands—for Elphaba Thropp knew that she would indeed have to be taught by Galinda Upland. Oh for the misfortune.

Alrighty folks, let the reviews fly! Please. More chapters will follow soon, if ya'll liked it. Thanks for readin'.

rayn


	2. The Brutality of Galinda

**Thanks to those of you who did review! It means a lot to me.  As for the rest of you...please review! It'll take two minutes tops. Just click that glorious gray little button, and type your opinion of the story. I enjoy criticism as long as it's...constructive. Also, I am currently very sick, so if something in this chapter sounds extremely out of place, it's probably because I have a fever. I know it's severely over-dramatic, but that's part of my humor. Enjoy!**

**I also realized that I didn't put in a disclaimer thingamabob, so let me make this clear:**

**I do not own _Wicked_, _The Chronicles of Oz_, or anything involving the world that has been so masterfully created by Gregory Maguire, L. Frank Baum, and all those wicked awesome people on B-way. I own NOTHING! One can always wish though...**

Now that she was out of her state of shock, Elphaba had been brought back to the dormitories with Galinda's arm around her waist supporting her. Elphie was back to normal save for a constant twitch in her left eye. The blond deposited her friend in the chair facing a vanity mirror.

"Alright Miss Elphaba...we'd better begin this right now, because there is a load of work to be done." Galinda said while scrutinizing her perfect curls in the mirror.

"What do you mean 'this'?" Elphaba asked, trying to keep a steady voice and swallow her fear. Elphaba Thropp never really feared anything, she was always the one feared, but when she saw that look in her roommate's eye, she knew that she should be afraid.

Galinda cocked her head and looked at Elphaba like _she_ was the clueless blond, "Why, your makeover of course!"

"Nu-uh! No way! I agreed to tutoring in Social Etiquette...only because it's a required course and I have authority issues! NOT a makeover!" Elphaba said jumping out of the chair and away from what she thought had been her friend. She ran towards the door, hoping to escape the horrors that she knew Galinda would invoke upon her.

But before Elphie could grab the handle, Galinda waved her wand and magicked the door locked. Elphaba pulled ruthlessly on the handle (where have we seen this before?) but the door didn't budge an inch. Galinda neared Elphie with something dark in her hand that resembled a stick. The green girl flattened herself against the door, a trapped animal, looking desperately for some escape route.

"G-Galinda...what is that?" she asked fearfully, catching eye of the short dark stick clasped in Galinda's manicured hand.

Galinda smiled sweetly at Elphie's ignorance, "This, my dear, is mascara. Say it with me: MASS-CARE-UH. You're going to need this on your eyelashes."

"You're not getting anywhere near my eyes with that pointy..._thing_!" Elphie warned, pulling her hat over her eyes.

Galinda sighed, and said ominously, "That, Miss Elphaba is where you're wrong."

Elphaba darted around her roommate quickly, and ran around the room, seeking some kind of sanctuary. "NEVER!" Elphie screeched.

Galinda was fast on her heels. "This is for your own good, Elphie!"

And so the battle began. For this was just the beginning of a war.

To spare your sanity, all that I can tell you is that what ensued inside the room of Galinda and Elphaba that day was horror. Pure horror. Duct tape had been used at one point. Makeup and hair products were scattered everywhere. Screams were heard. A window had even been broken when Elphie tried to jump. But the bottom line is that Galinda won that battle. Elphaba Thropp was, and still is, no match for the blond when she is armed with makeup.

I know it was short, but I'm REALLY tired. I'll update more later...much longer stuff...I hope everyone enjoyed it, and wasn't to shaken up by the brunt brutality of the blond. Lolz.


	3. Cosmetologists Anonymous

**Alrighty folks...sorry the update took so long, I'm in a new play, and I found out I'm going to be moving soon, so there's just a wee bit going on in my life. This chapter sucks, but Fiyero has come. **

Fiyero knocked on the door of his girlfriend's room, tossing his perfect blonde hair back, though it fell right back between his eyes fashionably. He leaned against the door frame, waiting for someone to open the door. He had begun singing a song under his breath, something about a handsome swain, when he heard a moan come from inside the room.

"Galinda?" he asked anxiously, knocking on the door again. Galinda opened the door, and frolicked to the bathroom, resuming her makeup application. "Fiyero, dearest, we're going to bring Elphie along with us tonight. She needs to learn to behave properly in publicand eat well. Her table manners are that of a beast."

The young prince's eyes widened to extraordinary proportions as he turned and saw Elphaba slumped over in a chair next to her bed, duct tape binding her tight-clad legs to the chair. Wait...Elphaba was wearing _tights_? It was then that he noticed much was wrong with Elphaba. There was gold nail polish on her fingernails, and although the gold went well with the green, this was not Elphie. She was wearing a deep blue dress with ruffles. Her raven hair had been curled. And...oh god...she was wearing mascara, along with other makeup products.

Her tortured green eyes met his, and she croaked out, "Fiyero? Fiyero is that you?"

He went down on his knees in front of her, and began removing the duct tape. "Elphaba...Elphaba, what happened?"

"All I asked for was help with my social etiquette...that's it. Makeovers have nothing to do with social etiquette! And look where it got me. Fiyero...I've been 'Galindafied'..."

"Elphaba! We talked about this! You know Galinda was in Cosmetologists Anonymous! You give her an inch, she goes a mile...how could you give her such an opportunity?" Fiyero scolded as he finished ripping off the tape.

Elphaba turned her gaze to the ceiling, "I don't know...I forgot...I was just so desperate to pass all my classes...she was my only option. I didn't think she'd fall off the wagon so easily."

Fiyero looked semi-satisfied with her excuse as he pulled her out of the chair. She struggled with the heels, afraid she would twist an ankle.

"Alright...but you can't let this continue. You could get seriously hurt...you were lucky she didn't have a flat iron!" he warned, flashing himself a smile in the nearest mirror and reaching for his breath spray.

Briefly wondering how Fiyero knew so much about fashion and its tools, Elphie spread her arms wide in a helpless gesture. "Fiyero, I have to pass this class, and whether or not you and I like it, Galinda is the only way that is going to happen."

He rounded on the green girl, about to continue arguing, when he saw a pink blur cross the room, and begin reapplying lip gloss, and rearranging the black locks of her roommate. "Are we ready?"

Elphaba and Fiyero's eyes locked, and Elphie invoked one of her favorite phrases, "Come what may and hell to pay."

On the way out, Fiyero spotted a bottle of horse shampoo on a dresser, and pitied Elphaba for a moment. The poor girl had a lot coming for her.

**I know it was awful, but the next will be much longer, much better, and more humorous. Dinner with Galinda...hm...**


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